It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
