he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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