the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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