I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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