I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
