Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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