So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize