Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
