she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The best revenge is premature balding
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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