I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
