I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
