You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize