At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There r osticjed everywhere
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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