P.S. I can't hear my feet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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