I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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