god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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