Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
