we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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