I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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