My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
