i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
