Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize