Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
