I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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