Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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