my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
