And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize