i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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