So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
