So drunk its hurt
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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