if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
