i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
