you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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