Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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