I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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