In America we eat man semen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
