"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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