i think i have two assholes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
