I would go down on you faster than GM stock
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
