Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
