Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
