I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
