quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
