were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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