I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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