I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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