i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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