Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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