Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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