'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He felt like a one man threesome
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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