If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
