Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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