Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
