Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
