she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
