I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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