Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
