We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
