ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We had to coat check the pizza.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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