thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
