ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
