i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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