I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
