My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
