I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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