Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
