Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
