Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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