Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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