Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
