She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
