i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
