Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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