Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
