the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize