wrigley field is MILF paradise
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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