nut hugger
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
