He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
