is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
